A Dangerous Game
by Wolflover007
Summary: I knew it was a dangerous game to be playing but it is what you need and I am the only one who can give you it. Very Dark! Warnings Inside!


This fic is **REALL** **Y** **REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DARK**!

Title: A Dangerous Game

Rating: Definitely M!

Trigger/Warnings: Violence (MAJOR), Suicide (minor character), Abuse (debatable), Angst, Very extreme BDSM! LOTS OF EDGEPLAY (SEE BELOW)

Disclaimer: DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING IN THIS FIC WITHOUT PROPER TRAINING OR SUPERVISION. IF DONE BY UNEXPERIENCED PERSONS… THE RESULT CAN BE DANGEROUS, LIFE-THREATING AND EVEN FATAL!

Description: I knew it was a dangerous game to be playing but it is what you need and I am the only one who can give you it.

Maura's POV

* * *

I sigh deeply after completing the autopsy. This poor girl I don't know why she did it but as a M.E. it is not my right to know. The only comfort I get is from the fact that she died unconscious from the pills. No pain. No suffering. Just peace.

I go and call her parents. My voice emotionless. It's better that way. I can cry later, now is business. I always hate delivering news like this.

"Mr. and Ms. Brian? Ahh yes we have the results of your daughter's autopsy. The cause of death was an overdose of anti-psychotics….yes I am sure….. I'm not sure what you could have done to prevent this. Sometimes these things happen. I hope this gives you some peace…..Goodbye."

As I hang the phone up I feel a twinge of guilt. Sigh that's all I can do every time. Call the parents, give the diagnosis and give them the name of a counselor. Sigh I hate this routine but that is all I can do to help them cope. I wish there was more I can do.

* * *

The next morning I awake to someone banging on my door.

"Cailin?" I say surprised. Her eyes red and puffy as if she had spent all day crying.

"H...hi…ma...mau...Maura." Her voice shaking.

I pull her inside and shut the door. She stands still, lost in thought. She then collapses at my feet sobbing. I kneel and hold her.

"I…It not true…can't be true." She gets out through her sobbing.

Rubbing her hair, I hold her close. Feeling her smaller body shake in my arms.

"What's not true?"

"M…my gi...girlfriend is dead."

I tried to remain calm but felt my heart twinge.

"Aww... sweetie. What is her name?" I use is to help Cailin realize that her girlfriend is still here. I don't believe it myself but any small thing can help.

"Jane Brian."

My heart sunk….it can't be…no...No...That's a common name.

"How did she die?"

After asking that question, Cailin growls deeply in my arms. Almost enraged, I hold her tighter and she breaks free. I then feel a hand slap my face.

"C..Cailin?" I ask confused.

"You should know doctor." She says snarling.

I did know. She is the woman I examined yesterday, her parents saddened by the news.

"Why did you hit me?" I ask coldly.

"Y..You...it...can't be...she wouldn't…no..." she said clearly confused and in shock.

I sigh deeply and choose my next sentence very carefully.

"It's true. I'm sorry Cailin. Your girlfriend killed herself."

As she faints, I catch her and bring her to the couch. Poor thing. I get her some water. I watch as she drinks it very carefully.

"I should go." She says.

"No." I am concerned she will harm herself.

"It's late. Please stay the night. I'll drive you back in the morning."

"Fine."

She spends that entire night in my bed. Sobbing, shaking and occasionally biting my arm. I let her. It hurts but this is better than hurting herself. After all I am the one who brought her world crashing down. I am quiet for the rest of the night.

She says something to herself but I still hear it.

"You get your Jane, I loss mine. It's not fair."

I shake and coo her to sleep.

* * *

I drive her back in the morning and as she steps off of my triumph, I see the weight come crashing down onto her. I sigh and give her the name of a therapist. It's the same bloody routine. I can't even give my sister more, not even a tiny bit more. I drive off and speed to work.

"Maura. Are you ok?" Jane asks me.

"Just a lot on my mind but I'll be ok."

"Ok."

As the week rolls by I can't get her out of my mind. I try to distract myself by reorganizing my office, fixing up the triumph, anything. As I watch the news about Jane and see how much she did for the community, I break down. Sobbing and feeling guilty for my verdict I drink myself into sleep.

Weeks go by and I am able to bury myself in work. Every few weeks I invite Cailin for lunch so we can talk but she rejects me every time. I am starting to worry and call Hope. She is out of the country and has not heard anything. I sigh and try to get her off my mind. Jane can see something is wrong but doesn't ask. I groan and know it's a waiting game. She will come to me when she is ready, mourning takes time.

* * *

It is a dark day. The clouds blanket the sun and the rain taps my roof. I open my door and see her standing there. Dressed in a black trench coat and forgoing an umbrella, she bows her head. I invite her in and when she takes her coat off I gasp.

Her body is smaller…much smaller than I last saw her. Her skinny arms look like they would snap like a twig. She looks more like a skeleton than a human. I also notice an odor coming from her. She smells of urine and alcohol. Her hair is matted, her eyes blank and numb, her small frame clearly starved.

She kneels and nuzzles my leg. I am confused and I pick her up. Her eyes look away almost as if submitting to me. I carry her up to the bathroom and run her a bath. I leave her to make her food. When I return I am even more confused. She hasn't moved from that spot. She is still clothed and just stares at the water.

"Did you forget how to take a bath?" I joke and she laughs slightly.

That is a start. I think to myself.

"Why are you here?"

She doesn't say anything. I give up.

"Please take a bath or I will force you to."

I see her smirk at that. That's odd. I leave her again and decide to investigate. As I reach into her coat pockets I dig up various items. Her wallet, her room keys, some business cards. As I look through them I paint a very dark picture of what has happened the past three months.

I read each card.

 _Eating disorders national hotline_

 _Suicide national prevention hotline_

 _Boston Cambridge university counseling center_

There is one card however that struck my interests, a card that I thought I would never see again. A card that explains why she is here. A card that I made. A card that is very very old. Taking the card I head upstairs and prepare for what I know was going to be a long night.

* * *

Opening the door I am happy to see she listened and took a bath. Sighing I sit on the edge of the tub and show her the card. She looks at me and smirks. I growl.

"Is this why you came?"

She nods. I fear that. Groaning I look at her. Her body is clean but her eyes still dark. I stand and looked in the mirror, my eyes also are dark…they only do this two times…when I'm afraid and when I'm aroused. I don't want to know which one it is.

"Look. I don't do this stuff anymore."

She said nothing and stares at me. I stare back and for several minutes we don't move. She breaks the silence by saying three little words.

"Hurt me Maura." She says coldly.

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't do that stuff anymore. Besides why do you want me to?"

"I don't want you to…I need you too."

"Why?"

"The guilt…"

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is….I should have…"

She stands and grabs a towel. Out of the corner of my eye I see what she has become. It's my fault. I can't help her…I look at the card…maybe I can but…she's family…but she asked for it and is clearly struggling…but it's wrong….is it…

I am brought out of my trance by her hand on my shoulder.

"I shouldn't have barged in demanding something of this scale. I'm sorry. I should go."

I pull her close and hold her. Dropping her head I hear her deep breaths. I walk her downstairs and watch as she eats. It's not as much as I want but it's healthier that way. Feeding her too much or too fast will kill her.

We go to the couch and sit in silence. She lays her head on my lap as I stroke her hair. She soon falls asleep in my arms. I let her rest and head downstairs…to that room….I shake as I open the basement door. Shivering as the cold air hits me.

* * *

This room is both familiar and strange to me. I haven't used it in years…at least with another person. Jane doesn't even know of this room. As I stroke the leather belts and floggers I am overcome with a feeling of doubt. Is she really wants this, can I go through with it. I look in the chest of toys. Various items catch my eye. Vibrators, clamps, dildos etc. I know I won't use any of these, no that is too far. I lay on the silk sheets of the large bed. They caress my skin as I think and stew…. I look in the closet and see my various outfits. Touching the lace my eyes turn a darker shade of green. Arousal I decide…definitely arousal. I meditate on the cold floor for thirty minutes and head back upstairs…

As I head to the couch I see her sleeping. I can't do this tonight. I smile and carry her to my room. Her body smelling much better. I sleep next to her and coo her as she sleeps. I can't back out now. She needs me…

* * *

I check that the tools are ready and lay them on the bed. I sigh and look at her. She is kneeling, fully clothed but kneeling.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" I try to convince her that she doesn't need this. To convince me that I shouldn't do this.

"I need this." she says softly.

I sigh and give up.

I know it is a dangerous game to be playing but it is what you need and I am the only one who can give you it.

I order her to strip and she does... I then order her to stand, she also does that. I pull her hair and she whimpers.

"Good girl…" the words sound wrong from my mouth but I push that aside. I make her kneel and smile when she does.

I grab the first instrument…we have to start slow. I know that simply beating her will not help nor will yelling at her. I have to find a balance. I toss the flogger up and down before striking her back. I see her flinch and smirk.

"Aww. Is it too much already?"

She growls and stills. I hit her again. I don't care for the silence. I walk in front of her and hit her. Not smack but hit with my fist. She gasps and shudders.

"I asked you something. Now answer me."

"It…it's not too much." she says softly.

"Count." I demand coldly and flog her again.

"Three."

"No. start over."

"Yes."

I stop and grab her neck in not the lightest of ways.

"Yes what." I feel her swallow in fear.

"Yes ma'am."

I release her and hit her hard.

"One..Fuck.."

I hit her again. My aim, speed nor strength wavering.

"t..two…thr..three..four..five…fuck Maura…."

I stop and look at her red back. At the streaks covering it and scratch down her spine. She groans and I decide to give her back a break. I put her over my lap and wait for her to get comfortable. I spank her ass hard.

"six…seven..eight…twenty five…."She is squirming in my lap and I decide to give her a break. I push her on the floor. Not hard but with some force. She lands and nuzzles my leg. I smile and get rope. I lead her to a whipping bench and tie her down with rope. I grab a cat o nines and rub it gently up her bruised back.

"Remember your safe word?" I ask making sure she is still in this world.

"apple." she says loud and clear.

"Good." I smile and bring the cat down on her.

"mmm."

I growl. She was not supposed to enjoy this. I hit her nine more times and undo her.

"You are not supposed to enjoy that."

"I'm sorry."

I decide to relent the beating and move to the verbal. I sit in a chair as she kneels in front of me. I give her some water and clear my throat.

"Now. I will ask direct questions and I expect direct answers. Understand?"

She nodded. I growled and kicked her head. She stumbled up and growled.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good now where did you get this card?"

"A man at a club"

"What man?"

"He didn't give me a name…"

I believe her.

"Why did you want me to beat you?"

"I trust you. Are you ok with this?"

I pause…It is wrong but also right. I still see the demons in her eyes. It appears I have to be rougher.

"How rough should I be?"

She looks at me through dark eyes. I see the demons clawing at her. Her heart threating to collapse into an abyss.

"Until I pass out."

I rub her hair and breathe deeply. I close my eyes and prepare my mind for what I am about to do. I pull away and focus on finding my head space. It is much more difficult than I remember. I allow the dark sadistic beast free from its long forgotten cage. Only a few have seen this side of me. When I look at her again my eyes have turned to emeralds, made dark by some sick perverted desire that even I can't place.

* * *

I place her on a whipping bench and grab my next instrument. Going up on the scale of pain from flogger to cat o nines to now a short bullwhip. I know that my strikes have to be precise. Not only for the effectiveness but also for her safety. I pull back and strike her back. The whip makes its telltale crack and she tries not to make a sound. I strike her again and she again is silent.

"You may make noise."

Krack!

She whimpers.

Krack!

She is shaking.

KRACK!

She is sobbing.

"That's enough for now." I undo her and see the rips in her back from the whip. Blood drips out of the wounds. I moan slightly.

* * *

I undo her and get her some water. Her hands tremble and I hold the cup for her. She looks at me and I see a slight improvement.

"Word?" I ask referring to the safeword.

She shakes her head. I trust her and stroke the side of her face. We take a small break as I clean up her back. She shook as I put on the cleaner. I hold her hand and she lays on my chest for a few minutes. I don't like to break in the middle of a scene but her body needed it because she was so starved… definitely an anorexic but I don't tell her that. I get her to eat a few strawberries in order to replace the sugars in her body.

"Ready?"

"Yes..." I notice her voice is small and quiet.

I smile. I was about to hurt her very very badly. In a way I have only hurt one other person. I order her to stay on the bed while I go get something. I return to tie her right arm to a wood board immobilizing it. I get my object and heat it before returning to her.

"I want you to scream." I say darkly… before she can respond I place the iron on her tricep and hold it there, branding her arm. She does scream in agony and I smirk enjoying it. I place the iron down and undue her arm. She pants in agony and cries.

"Word?"

"No."

I tie her to the wall and go get my med kit. What I pull out scares her. I look at the shiny scalpel in my hand and see the happiness in her eyes.

"No you are going to answer me. If you don't I will hurt you more."

She nods. I pace a narrow cut on her leg and begin.

"Do you blame yourself for Jane's death?"

That must have angered her.

"Fuck y-ahh!"

I smirk and cut her shoulder. Not deep but enough to hurt.

"Yes. It's my fault!"

I smile. Now I'm getting somewhere.

"Why?" I cut her other shoulder.

"..I I didn't help her."

"That's not your fault…" I cut her inner thigh.

"Yes it is! I didn't believe her…"

I still. I know I was breaking her.

"Go on."

"I…she had signs and I didn't catch them..."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it fucking is…how can you understand?"

I cut her cheek.

"She said she was going to and I didn't help her. It's my fault."

"No it's not."

I stab her hand. Her demeanor changes but not in a way that I want.

"Ahh…fuck yes…hurt me I deserve all of this…fuck…mmm. Hurt I Maura…make me pay..."

I pause…she shouldn't be enjoying this. I leave the scalpel in her hand and back away. The cuts aren't deep but her blood is dripping onto me and the floor. I look in her eyes and the demons are receding but I know what she needs to be free.

"Tell me it's not your fault."

"No."

I punch her stomach…

"Tell me!"

"No."

I had to get under her skin.

"Jane wouldn't want this for you."

"She's dead…I killed her…it's my fault…"

I growl and cut her abdomen.

"Ahh…"

"Tell me. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not." I don't hurt her anymore.

"She told me over and over…why didn't I believe her?"

"I don't know but she would want this for you."

"I...I didn't help her…she hates me…"

"Why don't you let her decide that…you tortured yourself long enough? Let it go."

"I want to die."

"No you don't…you just want the pain to go away. You can't bring her back but this isn't helping."

She chooses to be quiet and I keep cutting her. Her breasts, legs, feet. I stab her other hand. I watch as the blood drips onto the floor. For a few minutes I just watch her unsure of what to do.

"mgcf."

"What?" I ask.

"I..It not fault."

"What."

"It not fault…"

I growl. I know I broke her. "Louder!"

I cut her harder each time she speaks.

"I..it not my fault."

Cut.

"Its not my fault.."

Cut.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! JANE I'M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

I smile and release her. I put my hand over her heart.

"She loves me in here." she whispers.

"Yes she does."

She passes out and I notice she is severely bradycardic… I knew I had to get her to a hospital. I carry her to my car and drive her to the hospital. I leave shortly after and return to the room. I'll visit her when she wakes up. I throw the scalpels away and lay in the bed. The smell of blood so heavy in the air that it is almost touchable. I moan as the sadistic beast roars in my heart. I look at her card that brought her here and smirk.

I look around at the violent scene and laugh darkly. Inside I truly like this sick game. I would never tell anyone that but I know deep down. I smile and fall asleep as my beast moans satisfied.

"Feel better Cailin." I whisper to the room.

I knew it was a dangerous game to be playing but it is what you need and I am the only one who can give you it. I hope this helped you. I love you and will visit you soon.

FIN


End file.
